Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Moving through the stages...

I guess my denial stage was pretty all encompassing because I didn't realize I was in the stages of grief. It is an odd thing to realize how many times I have been on the other end of this and had some comforting words to share yet I cannot find them in the Rolodex of my brain right now. I thought I was going to skip this -- because I eluded myself to believe I had some choice in the matter, a classic trait of person who craves control. And because I believed I had some choice -- after all I jumped off the moving train, I also believed that some how the landing wouldn't hurt? Stupid. Today I am grateful for stage 4 because stage 5 is the upward turn and I feel I have already begun stage 6 and I am reconstructing a life I have been too busy for the last two years. The phone however still weighs a thousand pounds and the thought of social graces over this looming holiday makes me want to vomit. I keep reminding myself to keep breathing -- in through my nose with movement in my ribs and out through my mouth. That helps the nausea. I also try to just keep moving (or as Dori from Nemo would say, "Just keep swimming.") as long as I keep treading water I will find safe harbor. I have no illusions of being rescued.

1 comment:

  1. You; my friend, do NOT need rescuing! You just need a gentle nudge now and again in the reminders of life - Life is NOT fair and this too shall pass! Besides, turn your head and see who's "swimming" beside you...you are not alone and you are very much loved. Each and every day I thank God for my neighbor, my Cohort; (in way too many "wants" to name - LOL) and My Best Friend! Love you, Nique <3 <3 <3